RED-FLAG RESPONSES FROM YOUR CARE PROVIDER

These behaviors will tell you that you have the wrong person, someone who wants to coerce rather than convince you.  All the examples are statements made by real doctors.  I don’t want to stereotype caregivers, but the fact is that these tactics are common among obstetricians, occasionally found in the family practitioners, and almost unheard of in midwives.

• Scare tactics.  “We can do that- if you don’t care what happens to the baby.”  “If you don’t do this your baby could die.”  “Which would you rather have: a nice birth experience or a healthy baby?”  You can have both.  In fact, the things that make a nice experience also make for a healthy baby.

• Anger.  “And where did you go to medical school?”  “I can’t take care of you if you don’t trust me.”  Of course you should trust your caregiver, but that trust must be earned.

• Ridiculing your concerns, desires, opinions, or competency to participate in decisions about your care.  “I see you’ve been reading those women’s magazines.”  “You want a natural childbirth?  I think that makes about as much sense as natural denistry.”

• Patronizing you.  “Don’t worry about a thing;  just leave everything to me.”

• Vagueness.  It’s a bad sign when you can’t pin a caregiver down enough to get at least ballpark estimates of personal statistics such as cesarean rates or percentages of women who give birth without an episiotomy.  It is also bad when the caregiver says you can do anything you want during labor and won’t specify what situations might preclude that.

• Attempts to co-opt your partner.  This usually occurs with male doctors and male partners.  You’ll know it’s happening if the doctor addresses himself to your male partner and ignores you.  The hidden message amounts to “You and I together will take care of the Little Woman,” and it can be seductive to caring, protective, expectant fathers.  Conversely, acting as if your partner is a fifth wheel isn’t good either.

(Adapted from “The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth” by Henci Goer)

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